Haunted By His Past
by AmethystRoseMalfoy
Summary: Hermione overhears Pansy and Blaise discussing Draco and learns he hasn't been as honest with her as she thought.


Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it does not belong to me. It belongs to JK Rowling. I just like living in the world she created from time to time.

Hermione stepped into the library and looked around at the many shelves of books. Books had always been her solace. When she was confused or worried, she could find the answers in a book. But tonight, books could not help her. Tonight, it was her boyfriend of six months that was the problem. And a book had yet to be written that could explain Draco Malfoy.

She walked to the French doors looking out into the darkness, wondering if there even was an answer to her problem. Maybe there was no problem. Maybe it was all in her mind. But it was not her mind that was hurting, it was her heart.

She moved to the chaise in front of the fireplace and sat down, looking into the flames, reflecting on the last hour.

Tonight was the annual Ministry Winter Ball. This year, Narcissa had volunteered the ballroom at Malfoy Manor for the occasion. She wanted to show off not only the newly finished renovations at the Manor, but the new attitude of the Malfoy family as well. Since the end of the war, both Narcissa and Draco had worked very hard to change their beliefs and the public's perception of them. Neither had ever really believed in the extreme blood purity that the Dark Lord and his followers had preached. But it is difficult to stand up for your beliefs when a madman and his cohorts were living in your house and did not mind torturing anyone who disagreed with them.

The evening had started out wonderfully. Draco had been very attentive and affectionate at the beginning of the night. They had opened the ball together with the first waltz. Narcissa was lovely dancing with Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt, as his hostess for the evening. Draco had offered to get drinks at the conclusion of the first dance. That was the beginning of the trouble.

As Hermione stood talking with Narcissa and the Minister, she happened to glance at the doorway and see Daphne and Astoria Greengrass pause to look around the ballroom. She saw the impassive look on their faces change to delight when they spotted Draco at the bar. They immediately headed toward him.

As they approached, Draco turned and smiled at both ladies, then proceeded to kiss their cheeks in greeting. They stood conversing for a few moments, before turning and walking to a side door that led to the hallway.

Hermione watched for a few minutes, waiting for Draco to return. She excused herself and slowly walked to the refreshment table. After pouring a glass of punch, she moved to the window to look out on the gardens and wait for her boyfriend.

"Why is he with her? She isn't his type at all. She isn't pretty. She's short and round. He's always gone for tall, slim blondes. Other than her status as a war hero she has nothing going for her." That sounds like Pansy Parkinson, Hermione thought to herself. Is she talking about me? She has never thought I was good enough for her Drakie. "I mean before she came along, everyone thought he would marry one of the Greengrass girls. He was dating them both. I even heard from Millie that they had shared him a couple of times, if you know what I mean." She giggled.

Hermione turned her head slightly to look over her shoulder. Pansy and Blaise Zabini were in the corner behind her with their backs turned slightly to her.

"Maybe that is what he sees in her. Everyone knows the Malfoy's took a huge hit to both their reputation and their Gringott's vaults after the war. Lucius being locked in Azkaban for life helped a little, but the Dark Mark on Draco's arm will go against him for the rest of his life. He needs a way to get the public to forgive him if hopes to recoup what he lost after the war. She is the Muggleborn darling of the Wizarding world. Everyone loves her at the moment. What better way to show his family has changed than to have the little Gryffindor Princess as a part of the package." Blaise said.

"I wonder where Draco is. I have not seen him tonight." Pansy commented, looking around the room.

"He left with Daphne and Astoria just before you came in. They went out a side door. He left Granger with his mother and Minister Shacklebolt. I do not think Granger even saw them leave. He is probably bullocks deep in one them by now." Blaise chuckled deeply.

Hermione quietly slipped through the door onto the terrace, trying to hold back the tears. Were they right? Was Draco only with her to improve his image? He was affectionate with her, but he had never told her he loved her. She thought it had just been too soon. They had never really discussed their relationship or the future. Maybe he did not see a future with her. Maybe this was only temporary. Maybe he only intends for this to last until he cements his public image.

She turned and walked across the terrace to the set of doors that led into the dining room, avoiding the ballroom. She wanted to find Draco and confront him. She wanted to see for herself what was going on between her boyfriend and the Greengrass sisters. She crossed the dining room and quietly opened the door to the hallway she had seen Draco, Daphne, and Astoria enter earlier. She paused to consider where they would have gone. She did not think Draco would take them to his bedroom. A guest room perhaps? She started down the hallway to the foyer intending to search the second floor guest rooms.

Before she reached the foyer, she heard low voices coming from a rarely used drawing room. She stopped to listen. One was definitely female, but she did not know either Daphne or Astoria well enough to recognize their voices. But that voice, that deep chuckle she would know anywhere. It was Draco.

She moved closer to the door, glancing down the hallway. She leaned forward, pressing her ear to the door. She heard a very distinctive female giggle, then a few murmured words she could not quite make out. She could hear the shuffle of feet, the swish of a ball gown moving around, and then another chuckle from Draco. Hermione heard the creak of a door opening further along the hallway and stepped away from the drawing room door. She walked quickly to the foyer and decided to step onto the terrace once more to calm down.

There were several couples on the terrace enjoying the night air away from the crush of the ballroom. She nodded in greetings as she passed but did not stop to chat. Looking for a quiet place to think, she remembered the gazebo at the far end of the rose garden. It was beyond the warming charms Narcissa had placed outside for the evening, so it was unlikely anyone would venture that far from the house. Finding she was correct, she stepped inside and sat on the wicker loveseat, grateful for the peace and quiet. She cast a warming charm on the loveseat.

What should she do now? Confront him? She did not know exactly what happened behind the closed door of the drawing room. But she had a right to ask him what happened, did she not? He was her boyfriend. He had left a ball his mother was hosting to go off with two women he was no longer dating to a private room for an extended period of time. Did he not owe her an explanation?

Before she could decide on a course of action, she heard Pansy's voice again.

"So, Draco, did you have fun with Daphne and Astoria?" She giggled.

Oh, Gods, Draco is with her, Hermione thought to herself.

"What are you talking about, Pans?" Draco asked, sounding bored.

"Your little interlude earlier. Blaise saw you leave the ballroom with them, and I just saw the three of you coming out of the drawing room together. Finally tired of the little Mudblood, have you?"

"Don't call her that, Pansy." Draco growled.

"You did not answer my question, Drakie." She singsonged.

"I don't owe you any explanations. What I do doesn't concern you."

"I was just curious. I thought if you were looking for some action, we might pick up where we left off before the little goody-goody came along."

"Not interested, Pansy. I have Hermione, and she's all I need."

"If she's all you need, what were you and the Greengrass sisters doing in the drawing room? I know about the times you have hooked up with the both of them. Were you just feeling nostalgic tonight? Once more for old times sake? Which one do you think you will marry? Triads are frowned on these days. Too old Pureblood for these modern times. So you will have to pick one and hope the other chooses an open minded husband."

"Pansy, what the hell are you talking about? Nothing happened in the drawing room, and I'm not marrying either of them. You need to get over your feelings about my girlfriend. You need to show her the respect she deserves. Wait, if Blaise saw me leave, then...oh, no! Did you see Granger in the ballroom? Did You?" Draco sounded a little panicked.

"No, I didn't see her. Blaise said he thought maybe you had dumped her finally after he saw you leave with Daph and Tori."

"I've got to go, Pans. I will find you later." She heard his footsteps move away quickly.

She stayed in the gazebo for a while longer. She was not in any hurry to see Draco much less talk to him. Hermione did not know what to think now. Draco denied anything happening when asked about it, and he had turned Pansy down when she offered. He seemed angry when Pansy called her a Mudblood. But he did not claim to love her or really care about her in any way. He only asked Pansy not to say that word and show her some respect. He could still be simply trying to use her. It did not mean he cared.

After a half hour or so, the warming charm started to wear off. She thought she might as well go inside, she would have to face him sometime. She decided to go to the library. Being surrounded by books always brought her a sense of peace.

And that is where Draco found her. Sitting on the chaise in front of the fire.

"Hermione, there you are. I have been looking for you all night. Why are you in here alone?" He seemed concerned.

"Where did you disappear to, Draco?" Hermione asked, looking up from the flames.

"I've been looking for you." He responded.

"No. Earlier. After the first waltz, you went to get us a drink, but you did not come back. I saw you talking to Daphne and Astoria at the bar, then you all left. Where did you go?" She watched his eyes, Draco was perfectly capable of keeping all emotions from his face. People would only see what he wanted them to see. But during their time together, Hermione had learned to watch his eyes. He might be able to put that impenetrable mask on to shield his face, but he could not hide what was in his eyes. What she saw now was guilt. But what did he feel guilty about?

"Yes. I ran into them at the bar. They asked to speak to me privately. So we went to the drawing room down the hall. They wanted to tell me that Astoria has just become engaged to a French wizard, Etienne someone, and Mr. Greengrass is negotiating a marriage contract for Daphne." He spoke quietly.

"Why did they need to speak privately about that? Astoria's engagement is common knowledge. My stylist told me about it at the salon this morning. And Madame Malkin told me about the contract negotiations for Daphne last week when I was being fitted for my ball gown. These things are not a secret." She paused, waiting for him to answer. "Draco, what was so private you needed to go to the drawing room?"

He walked to the fireplace and turned to look at her. "You sound jealous, love. Are you afraid they are trying to take me away?" He said, trying to sound teasing.

"Answer the question, Draco. What secrets are you keeping? I see the guilt in your eyes, there is something you are not telling me."

"Hermione, I'm not keeping anything from you. We promised each other no secrets when we started dating. And I haven't broken that promise." He almost sounded pleading.

"Okay. If you haven't done anything you need to keep secret since we started dating, what about something you did before we started dating? Maybe all of you are feeling guilty about a little threesome you had, now that they are engaged to be married? Maybe it happened more than once?"

Draco's face drained of all color. "How...how could you know about that? Who told you? It was Blaise, wasn't it? It had to be. Only five people knew about it. Daphne, Astoria, Blaise, Theo and myself. And Theo has been out of the country for several months."

"Does it matter how I found out? Who told? You didn't tell me. Although, I distinctly remember you demanding a full accounting of everyone I have been intimate with. Now, I'm wondering what else you haven't told me. Is there anything else, Draco? There were rumors about after hours orgies in the Slytherin common room, any truth to those? I also remember hearing about players getting naughty in the showers after Quidditch? Take part in that too?" She got up to pace the floor by the desk.

"What I fail to understand is why you didn't simply tell me in the beginning. We had a long talk about honesty before we ever went on our first date. We have talked about our sexual histories. There were too many rumors about you floating around Hogwarts for me to go out with you without knowing the truth. I was honest with you. I told you about Ron and Viktor and Cedric. I even told about Jeff and he's a Muggle. There was never even the slightest chance you would meet him! But I had to hear about your escapade with the Greengrasses in the ballroom at your mother's. I wonder who else might have heard? The Minister, your mother. Blaise sounded so proud of you, he certainly wasn't keeping his voice down."

Draco moved to the chaise to sit. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, placing his head in his hands. He simply stared at the carpet under his feet for a few minutes, not knowing how to respond to her.

"Tonight, Daphne and Astoria asked me to keep what happened between the three of us quiet. Astoria's fiance is older and very traditional. He doesn't even believe in sex before marriage. And while he knows she is not a virgin, she does not want the more sordid episodes in her past to become public knowledge where they could be thrown in her fiance's face. I agreed not to say anything. It happened twice. But it only happened in the first place because we were all so drunk.

The first time was just after sixth year. About a week after the Astronomy tower. I was so angry at myself and so upset that I spent most of the first few weeks at home drunk. About a week after I went home, the Dark Lord held a revel to celebrate the fall of Dumbledore and Hogwarts. I was forced to attend. I didn't want too. Letting Death Eaters into the castle was the greatest regret of my life to that point. I certainly didn't want to celebrate it! Daphne and Astoria didn't have to attend the revel, but their father was Marked so he had to be there. The girls came along and were left in the guest rooms in the west wing. Those rooms were always kept out of bounds to the Death Eaters since the west wing contains the family quarters.

Anyway, after the Dark Lord's speech congratulating me and Professor Snape on such a successful mission, I was able to slip away. I grabbed a couple bottles of Firewhiskey and headed back to my room. I ran into Daphne in the hall and she asked if I wanted to come in to her room to hang out. Astoria was there too. We drank the bottles of Firewhiskey. And I don't really remember what happened between the three of us. I just know we all woke up in Daphne's bed naked the next morning. Astoria and I both had dried blood on our thighs. She had been a virgin.

The second time it happened was just before the final battle. It was a few weeks after you were brought to the Manor. I told you once, I had nightmares about you being tortured for weeks after you escaped." He stopped talking for a few minutes. He seemed to be debating about something. Hermione thought it best to just give him time to think.

"Anyway, I had not had a good night's sleep in months, and when the nightmares started I could barely get a couple hours of sleep a night. So, a couple days before the final battle, the Dark Lord had called a meeting at the Manor. I was allowed to miss it because my father told the Dark Lord I was too sick to stand and needed to rest and recuperate if I was to be any help at the battle they believed was coming. Mr. Greengrass insisted his daughters come with him to the Manor for the meeting, even though they were not Marked and were not allowed to attend. They came to my room looking for me. Daphne had brought Firewhiskey with her. We shared the bottle, and then snuck into my father's room to get more. I remember collapsing in the hall outside my bedroom on the way back from my father's room. But I don't remember anything else until hours later, when a house elf woke me to answer a summons to my father's study. Both Daphne and Astoria were naked in my bed sound asleep. I guess we had sex, but I don't remember it." At this point, Draco finally raised his head to look at Hermione. Embarrassment coloring his face. "I didn't tell you when we were talking about our histories because I was embarrassed. In part, because I don't remember what happened, but mostly, because I just wanted to forget it."

"As far as other girls, this was the only thing I left out, I swear to you. I'm not proud of the number of girls I have been with. I don't even remember all of their names. But I promise you, that is all over. Even if you break up with me, I wouldn't go back to that. I hate the person I was before. I much prefer a monogamous relationship to picking up random girls I know nothing about. I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you from the beginning. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you can't. I know how much honesty means to you. You have always been perfectly clear about that."

Draco stood up and started for the door. Just as he reached for the knob, Hermione's voice stopped him. "Draco, do you promise me there is nothing else? You don't need to be embarrassed with me. I promised I wouldn't judge you if you just told me the truth. After all the rumors I had heard, I was actually expecting something like this. Whatever happened before us is all in the past. I will do my very best not to let it influence my opinion of you. I just want to know upfront. I don't want to be blindsided by something like I was tonight in that ballroom. Listening to Blaise and Pansy talk about you like that hurt worse than it would have if you had told me months ago when I asked. If you can be completely honest now, tell me anything you haven't already, then I can forgive you and we can go on. If that's what you want."

Draco turned to face her. He straightened his spine and stepped forward, he looked directly in her eyes and placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and said, "I promise you that I have now shared every sex partner I have had with you. I even told you about encounters I had with girls whose names I never knew. And I swear to you there will never be anyone else but you if you will have me. I love you. I have loved you for a very long time. I think you got under my skin first year. I remember the first time I saw you. On the train. You were looking for Longbottom's toad." Draco chuckled , looking lost in the memory.

"I thought you were adorable. I hoped you would be in Slytherin so I could get to know you. But then Pansy said she had seen you on the platform with your parents. She said they were Muggles. I was so disappointed. When I was younger I thought I hated you. But looking back, I know I never hated you. I was angry that you were Muggleborn, and I was angry that my family wouldn't think you were good enough. And I didn't like your friends. I was jealous of your grades and your popularity. Everyone liked you. Me, well, people were afraid of me. They tolerated me because they felt they had to. But they didn't like me. Even Pansy didn't like me. She just liked the galleons in my vault and the power the Malfoy name would give her. But you...people like you. You are sweet and smart and you want to help every living thing whether they deserve your help or not. And at some point over the years I learned to love you. I don't know when. It's just there in my heart and mind. Like I love sweets, loving you is just a part of me." And having said that, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his body and kissed her.

Hermione gently pulled back to look him in the eyes. "I love you too, Draco Malfoy. Always."


End file.
